Crossdressing and Purging: My Plan to Break the Cycle

Crossdressing and Purging: My Plan to Break the Cycle

By Aveline Marlowe

What Does Purging Mean as a Crossdresser?

Purging is when fear or shame takes over, and you throw all your feminine things away. Every crossdresser has been there at least once—maybe multiple times. Boxes or bin bags that started with a single outfit can suddenly grow into a mountain of clothing you hide wherever you can: the back of a cupboard, the garage, under the bed. When you’re at work—or anywhere outside—it's all you can think about. You worry about what will happen when you get home. Will it have been discovered? Will the contents be dumped across the living room floor?

Will someone demand answers " Are you gay? " Is the most common question or " Are you Transgender? "  "Do you want to be a woman? " Like anyone has the right to demand answers in such a humiliating way .You stutter Trying to explain:

" No I just like wearing women's clothes sometimes "

But somehow wearing the clothes of the opposite genders feels like a horrendous crime that warrants a hastily arranged kangaroo court

 Many of us have been there more than once and I understand the reaction It's pure unadulterated fear......fear of losing a relationship or even public ridicule fear of the whispers " Did you know Bob's son James he wears women's clothes " 

My current situation 

In my current relationship, I went through this. I assured my partner I am not gay; I just like wearing women’s clothes sometimes, probably because I have gender dysphoria.

 She backed down, but I could tell she wasn’t entirely comfortable.

 It opened a whole can of worms around her self-esteem. 

She worried: You don’t find me attractive, is that it? No—it had nothing to do with that. 

But the issue kept resurfacing. Eventually, she flung it back in my face, and I did what I have always done: THE PURGE.

I gathered all my feminine clothes and threw them away. 

Almost as soon as they were gone, I found myself wanting them back—or wanting to buy more, 

I decided: no more purging. It’s time to look after me, to have my own time and space—even if just a little.

My Plan Moving Forward

I  Truly love my partner, but I don’t want to go through that again. My plan is to rent a storage locker, roughly the size of a telephone box. There, I can safely store my clothes & Makeup without worry or judgment. I also plan to devote four days a year to dressing up as Allie. I’ll tell my partner I need to go back to work early from annual leave  or have another excuse, giving me a few hours of freedom to be myself.

Living near London is an advantage. I can get the train into one of the biggest city's In the world no one knows me, and frankly, no one cares what I wear. Everyone is too preoccupied with their own lives. It’s pure freedom—the ability to do as I want for a few hours, and then return to my male clothes afterwards safely storing my female clothing. This is my way of taking control and embracing who I am, without fear or shame.

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